by Anara's mom, Hilary

Our story began in late December of 2006 when we decided that God was calling us to adopt.  We finally decided on Taiwan as the country and signed with a fabulous agency in the middle of January of 2007.  We survived our homestudy, the fingerprinting, the background checks, the family biographies, and the questionaires with never ending questions.  We had requested a little girl between the ages of infant and 2yrs. old and had agreed to accept minor correctable medical problems.  Finally we recieved word that we were accepted and on the waiting list in mid April!  During the next couple of months we really began to feel a tug at our hearts to consider special needs children.  After some more research and prayer we redid our list of acceptable special needs and informed our social worker of our desire to be considered for a special needs child should one become available.  We knew that we would probably have over an 18month wait due to the size of our family (Tyler 6, Toby 4 & Amelia 2).  That was pefect for us, it gave us the time we would need to save the money for this costly adventure.

I could not shake that nagging feeling that our child was already out there waiting for us.  I felt God whispering to my heart that she had already been born and that I needed to find her.  I began hunting through the waiting child websites.  My poor husband thought I was going off the deep end.  He later admitted to me that although he acted like I was nuts, he knew that I was going to find her...and blow his plan for saving clean out of the water!)  I told my mother that I just felt desperate and panicky, that I felt we were not looking in the right place.  She told me that I wasn't crazy, that that was mother's intuition! 

In mid May of 2007 I came across the Untill All Have Homes website.  I decided on a whim to open up their Eastern Europe list of waiting little girls, and there was my daughter.  A beautiful 9 month old baby with beautiful asian eyes and most adorable chubby cheeks!  She was waiting because she had underdeveloped fingers on one hand and 2 fused toes on one foot.  I couldn't believe it, she was waiting for a family because of that?!  I emailed her picture to my husband at work and asked him what he thought.  He said it couldn't hurt to ask for more information.  I asked for her information on May 24th 2007 and my heart sank when Kathy told me she was in Kyrgyzstan.  I remembered looking at that as an option when we were deciding on a country...that was the one place I said I would NEVER go!  Oh, Lord, please tell me you don't want me to go there!  We contacted the agency handling her file and asked them all we could about the country and specifics on this special little girl.  When I opened the email containing her information from Kids to Adopt I cried.  Her name was Anara, our daughter was Amelia and I had wanted to come up with another "A" name.  Some would say I am silly, but I saw it as another little sign from God...

The situation in Krygyzstan really made us uneasy, it was unstable, and there was no guarantee that we could specifically adopt Anara.  There could've been more than one agency trying to place her and whoever's paperwork arrived in Kryg first would "win".  Yes it was scary, there were no guarantees, we could be out a LOT of money, we could end up brokenhearted...but if no one ever took the chance, what chance did those children have?  We would go where God led. We continued to pray and research Krygyzstan. It was June 7th (a Thursday) 2007 when we got the phone call from KTA telling us they had a unique opportunity for us.  There was a chance to travel IMMEDIATELY for this little girl, there were a couple other families that were offered the opportunity but they declined for one reason or another.  That left us, did we want her?  Did we want her?!  I had prayed so hard for God to tell us what He wanted us to do, I prayed that he would make it so obvious that I wouldn't be able to miss it...and now this.  OF COURSE WE WANTED HER!  I managed not to become hysterical until I got all of the information we needed to be on the plane to Bishkek the following Monday.  Did I mention we didn't have the money?  This was 4:00pm on Thursday afternoon, how were we going to obtain a loan with one business day?  I knew that I wouldn't be able to calm down enough to explain things to my husband at work...or to be understood in my hysterical crying state, so I called my mom.  I scared her to death, but I managed to choke out, "They said we can have her!".  I called Tim and he was even emotional, and he packed up and left work immediately to begin the preparations.

From there we went to work on the money issue.  My grandmother lived with my parents and she had some very large CD's in the bank.  When she found out about Anara she told my mom to go cash them for us as a loan.  She was so afraid she'd never live to see her last grandchild come home...she wanted her out of Krygyzstan NOW.  Our Bible study leaders wrote us a large check as another interest free loan, and that gave us what we needed for the first trip.  Next came the hunt for the "clean money" needed for an Eastern European adoption.  It has to be in pristine condition, no marks, creases, new...do you know how hard it is to obtain this kind of money in one business day?  It is IMPOSSIBLE!  The banks get new money in at Christmas time.  Oh, they can order it for you, but it takes up to a week to get it.  My mom was getting nervous as she was combing the city's banks for us so we could finish hunting down the last of our paperwork.  She finally went home and called her neighbor Wanda.  They sat down and prayed about it, and divided up the cash they had and went to separate banks to continue the search.  Wanda went to her bank and they had almost the entire amount in clean bills.  When my mom arrived to meet Wanda she asked them if they would've been able to help her if not for Wanda having an account there, their answer..."No".  Thank you Lord again!

Now for our other three children at home...what were we going to do with them for over two weeks?!  I was emailing my mother-in-law at work near frantic with excitement over the adoption and near panic with anxiety over the kids.  It wasn't long after that that I received a phone call from Tim's little younger sister Kim.  "When do you need me?", was all I heard her say.  Tim arranged for her airline ticket and she came for the first 10 days of the trip.  Tim's mom arranged to come in for 3 days since she had no vaccation time coming this was a gift as well.  Then my mom and friends filled in the rest.  Praise God, my babies would be alright.

I have never traveled out of the country before, what an introduction this was.  We flew to JFK and from there we were supposed to meet another adopting family from our agency and contiue on to Bishkek together.  After 6 hrs of sitting on the runway until 1:00am they announced that our flight was cancelled due to the weather.  There was no one in the terminal to answer questions from the irrate passengers.  Finally we were told there were a few hotel rooms for people with young children.  The rest of us could board a bus and search for a hotel that would be at least an hour away, the flight would be rescheduled for the morning around 10:00am.  Our main concern was missing our connecting flight from Moscow to Bishkek.  Our coordinator would be having the meeting with the government official on a certain day and if we missed that flight, we'd miss that meeting and loose Anara.  Fortunately, my husband is a smart and savy man as well as cool under pressure.  He was already on the laptop looking up flights and buying back up tickets to Bishkek, we would make at least one of the flights, it would be alright.  Did I mention we spent the night on the floor of the terminal?  I would not recommend it.  It was however quite the bonding experience for myself and my new friend Mala.  

The rest of the travel went well, our luggage even made it to the final destination.  We were exhausted and so happy to have a hotel room when we arrived.  That was being arranged while we were en route...yet another thing we had to leave up to the Lord.  We showered and fell into bed.  We would have to wait until the next morning to meet our angel.

The drive to the Tokmok orphanage took an hour.  Although the break neck speeds at which they drove I would've thought we'd make it there in 10 minutes flat!  I've never experienced driving like that before and I hope never to again.  It would be best to be sedated and blindfolded before hand.  We drove up to the orphange and stopped.  It looked like any other gated building on the street.  I was shocked and my heart began to race.  I thought I'd recognize it somehow when we pulled up, but it took me by surprise.  We were led in and introduced to the director who was very kind and pleased to see us.  The coordinator took us to the baby room and the interpreter took our companions Joe and Mala to the toddler room.  We walked up the stairs and into a very old little building.  The paint was a light turquoise, the floor was a brown with a pattern, uneven and warped.  The white lace curtains blew lightly with the open windows.  Cribs lined the outer room, and strollers were lined up in front of them.  We walked down a tight short hallway past a little office like room and then the doorway opened up into a room with a huge playpen or crib.  And there bouncing in a johnny jumper was our baby.  Wearing a turqoise bonnet, seafoam green lacey dress, green and white jammy bottoms, and brightly colored sandles.  She gazed up at us with those big almond eyes and chubby cheeks.  No fear in her eyes, just curiosity.  I tried so hard to compose myself.  I didn't want my tears of joy to frighten her, but it was hopeless. I cried.  I spoke softly to her and told her she was beautiful.  I didn' t know if I was allowed to pick her up, or if it would frighten her.   Our coordinator picked her up and talked so sweetly in russian to her.  I took her little hand and smiled and told her I loved her.  I held my hands up to ask to hold her and the coordinator smiled and handed her to me.  It was amazing, just like the first time I'd held my 3 biological children.  What a miracle she was!  She reached up and felt my face and studied me.  She felt so tiny, only about the size of my 6 month old niece back home, but she was 10.5 months old.  Tim leaned down and greeted her and she reached out and felt his face and studied some more.  She was so serious, but not the least bit afraid.

The two weeks that we spent getting to know our little girl was pure joy!  She began to blossom and come out of her shell as the days passed.  Each day we arrived at the orphanage around 10:00am and joined the toddler group in the play yard.  We got to know a whole group of beautiful children who wanted desperately to be loved.  While we were bonding with our new daughter we were also bonding with all of those kids...It was the most awful feeling to know that we would be bringing Anara home in a couple of months but, we'd be leaving the rest of them behind to a life of poverty.  We vowed to never forget them and those like them all over the world.  I have had the honor of speaking to prospective parents about some of those left behind.  Nothing brings me greater joy than hearing that one of them has found their family!  Seeing an answer to prayer like that is amazing.

Walking away from Anara after our two weeks of bonding time was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.  I've been through labor and delivery three times in my life without any drugs and leaving Anara was far worse than any of the physical pain I'd ever endured.  The only way I was able to do it was knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I was leaving her in the arms of Jesus.  He created her and He loved her even more than I did.  She was and always had been His child. Her caregivers obviously genuinely cared for her and they were take the best care of her that they could.  It would be alright.  She didn't know any different, she was home in her little mind, this was her family.  

Somedays the wait seemed unbearably long, others felt like I had so much to finish before she got home.  We were blessed to have had our court date within two weeks of returning home.  All went well, now we just had to survive the 30 day waiting period.  We made a difficult decision about the second trip.  The price of airfare was steep, and our oldest child was going to begin Kindergarten on the day we were supposed to pick up Anara.  The separation during the first trip had been very difficult on the kids.  With all of these factors we decided that Tim would go alone to bring Anara home.  I'd done delivery three times, now it was Tim's turn!   

I have never felt more relief than when I received Tim's text message from the Amsterdam airport, "We made it.  All is well, except Anara has destroyed 2 outfits, and I smell like puke."  Praise the Lord, my baby was on her way home!!! (and my husband still had his sense of humor)  There would be no more roadblocks to get around now, nothing could stop us.  God had moved the mountains that stood in our way. 

There were 50 people waiting with me at the airport on August 31, 2007.  All of them family and friends that had prayed, cried, and rejoiced with us.  The look on my exhausted husband's face when he walked off that plane was one I'll never forget.  The great big tears that threatened to spill over did me in.  I threw my arms around him and kissed him and he handed me our daughter, then he knelt down and embraced his other three kids.  I held Anara close and kissed her and cried and thanked God for all that He had done.  My 6ft 5in brother was reduced to tears sweetly talking to and taking the hand of his new little neice.  My mother of course was a sobbing hysterical mess, and I suspect that my daddy was tearing up as well.  I got to hold my beatiful baby girl a grand total of 5 minutes before she began to panic and search the crowd for her daddy.  He came back to my side and she pitifully reached for him.  I handed her back immediately. I had expected this, she'd been with him for 2 weeks and he was her constant and security in such a terrifying time in her short life.  Although it hurt, I was also pleased as it showed she had bonded with him, half the battle had been won.  Anara's new siblings were fascinated with her.  They hugged and kissed her and gave her the presents they had each picked out special for her.  Toby wanted to see her little toes and Tim obliged and removed her socks.  Mia inspected her little fingers and played peek-a-boo with her.  And my shy quiet reserved Tyler observed from a  step or two away and grinned from ear to ear that the little sister he'd prayed for constantly for the last few months was finally home.

It didn't take long for Anara to fall in love with the rest of the family.  We certainly were already head over heels.  I cannot begin to tell you how much she has blessed our life.  She is a powerful reminder that God is in control.  That He always has a plan even when we can't see it.  Anara has opened my heart to her country and those that remain. There are many children waiting in Kyrgyzstan with no chance of being adopted by their own countrymen. Anara's special need is minimal, she is missing parts of her fingers on one hand, and 7 of her toes stop after the first knuckle and two of them are conjoined. We specifically asked the director when we went to meet her, what her chances were of being adopted in Kyrg...the answer...none. People in Kyrg generally only adopt "perfect" babies. She would've been an outcast. Can you imagine a child being "thrown away" here in the US because of such a mild deformity?

I saw the crippled and severely mentally handicapped people begging on the streets of Kyrgyzstan. There was a wheelchair bound young woman with another seemingly healthy woman with her outside of a department store. At first I thought the second woman was merely helping the other woman to manuever until I noticed that she was missing her hands. That knocked the wind right out of me...Dear God, that could've been my Anara down the road! We saw an elderly woman on the steps of the museum...I looked at her and saw my own Mimi. When we handed her a fistful of money and she stopped us thinking we'd made a mistake in the amount, trying to hand it back to us. We smiled and motioned for her to keep it...the look on her face was priceless, I saw a small glimmer of hope in her eyes. I know that was only temporary...Then there were the two small children, brother and sister I assume that grabbed onto my arms as we walked through a park. Big smiles on their faces, pleading with us in Russian. We didn't have any cash on us that time and I had to pry their little hands off of my arms and quickly walk away. I could've been ill! They couldn't have been more than 5-7yrs old...it could've been my Tyler! Then I realized that it was the "lucky" ones that were in the orphanage, at least they were protected from predators.

I've been to Tokmok, and I've seen the children who are waiting and it rips my heart out to think of them living in institutions all their childhood and then being turned out to the streets at age 16 with no skills, no way to survive. Their options: Steal or Prostitute.  She also brought compassion in a way that I didn't know what possible to our three other children. They continually pray for "Anara's Friends" and my oldest prays that they will "Come to our house to live".  Please don't think I'm trying to be pushy or self righteous.  Every child whether they are perfectly healthy or not desperately needs someone to love them.  Special needs is not for every family, that is a very personal choice. In fact ,it's a choice that 2 years ago I probably would not have made. But, it is something to consider/pray about.  I know that we cannot save them all, that's why I love the starfish story..."It made a difference to this one".  We hope to go back someday and bring an older child or another special needs child home...we have room in our hearts, Anara expanded it.